Weekly meditations from your humble messenger
Far from Smashing
(The Incredible Hulk, 6/23/08)
By Nicholas Nicastro
Tired
of superhero movies yet?
OK, not that Marvel Comics' "Hulk"
is exactly a hero. The Great Green One, the gamma-ray enhanced alter-ego
of mild-mannered scientist Bruce Banner (Edward Norton), is more of
a force of nature. When aroused, he sprouts about six hundred pounds
of muscle and loses all civilized inhibitions—though it is interesting
that he never seems to hurt anybody during his rampages. The Hulk seems
more interested in racking up property damage—factories, assorted
infrastructure, and especially vehicles. You'd think his biggest enemies
would be Geico and Allstate, not the US Army.
As you might recall, there was another
Hulk movie out a few years ago, featuring Eric Bana and directed
(surprisingly) by Ang Lee. That version was fairly unique in the superhero
genre for having some genuinely touching moments, but the fan boy consensus
was that it was too slow and too short on the Hulk smashing stuff. It
made a less-than-brawny $132 million at the box office. Hollywood has
a short attention span when it comes to most box office failures, but
when it comes to superheroes its policy seems to be "if at first
you don't succeed ..." (Interestingly, Peter Weir's Master and
Commander came out the same year as Lee's Hulk, made about
as much money, and was a terrific movie. So when will Hollywood try
the nautical genre again? Answer: Not again in your lifetime.)
Does your friendly neighborhood
critic sound a little out of sorts about all this? Maybe he ought to
relax, hit the candy counter, reduce that heart rate ... er ... argh
... Noooo! ... GRRRR! Critic BORED! Critic sick of special effects!
Hate explosions! No suspense! Don't care, don't care about the Hulk!
Hate paying $4 for little cup of popcorn! Don't want Raisnets ... want
chocolate-covered peanuts! Me ... want ... GOOBERS! Critic
... must ... SMASH! SMASH stadium seats! SMASH Regal Cinema for showing
all teen movies, all the time! Hate traffic on Triphammer Road at five
o'clock! Must SMASH woman who talks on phone, won't use turn signal!
SMASH guy who takes up more than one space in parking lot! HATE lack
of good dining options in Café Square! No, don't want to sample
Bourbon chicken! $3 for slice of pizza? GRRRR! Make ... critic ... MAD!
Make him want to SMASH package of Jujubes! HATE flip-flops and gym shorts
on airplanes! SMASH construction all over town in summertime! Critic
pay taxes too, can't get across town ... can't drive…can't ...
can't ...
Uhh ... whew ... as I was saying,
the production seems to have been cobbled together out of bits and pieces
of former hits, including screenwriter Zak Penn (X-Men United),
producer Ari Arad (Iron Man) and French-born director Louis Leterrier
(The Transporter). The result is predictably predictable, right
down to the monster-on-monster grudge-match that ends the movie (and
ended Iron Man too, for that matter).
All this might not have mattered
if the cast seemed engaged by the material. Alas, Edward Norton—who
is so displeased with the final cut he's refused to promote the film—seems
to be phoning in his performance as David Banner. Liv Tyler is easy
on the eyes, but stuck in her role as a pouty, breathy elf from Middle
Earth. The only surprising performance here is by Tim Roth, who plays
a mercenary with a fatal attraction to the Hulk's raw power. When somebody
offers him the chance to become Like Unto the Green One, the way Roth
admits "Yes, I want that" hints that it's he, not the Hulk,
who possesses vast, untapped reserves of acting muscle. Dare we imagine
a world with more Roth and less CGI freaks? Here, in the middle of the
summer silly season, it will take more than a computer to envision that.
©2008 Nicholas Nicastro
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